this is what it feels like

1.a. I have never liked myself so much. I have never enjoyed my own company to the point that I catch a wave of ever-escalating appreciation and joy at my own thoughts. I love my life. I am starting to think broad expansive idea about the possible implications. If I have found Something that can make me feel like this, then my problems are all gone. I have no problems. They are all cured. I will never be unsatiated. I will never run out of constantly replenishing ideas to think of or write down. My days will be filled with constant agonizing decisions over which are worthy of being written. Time is the only limiting factor. The line between ideas for things to do and things to do has, in a dramatic way, taken an upward slope. In this new life I will not be able to drive a car or maintain a serious relationship because I am so intensely in the moment, but it literally won’t matter because I will be so joyful about the remaining contents of my life- the enhanced contents of my life. By withdrawing I will expand because my words will reach more people than my presence ever could.

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