YAY!
One day into new love’s joys
I start to overanalyze
So far, it’s come too easily
My hope is guarded carefully
I wish I could see in advance
so I don’t have to take a chance.
Without wasting all that time
perhaps we’d spare your heart, or mine.
If I give myself to you-
Will it last? Can I be true?
Will it ever be enough?
Are we capable of us?
So come, look in my eyes awhile.
And don’t you speak, no do not smile.
I want to know what I will see
And if you will look back at me.
Every time I ride, I fly.
Arms extended, hail the sky
With mind aloft I pedal though
I am a sail, but anchor too.
I make my peace here on the road,
Too free to fear, to far to fold.
I know what it is to be reasonable.
to consider the odds, weigh the facts.
And the idea that somewhere on this earth,
there is one person just for me,
is beyond anything I have ever believed.
But one day I dream I’ll find someone
who fills me so much, fits me so right,
that I become irrational enough to believe
(if only for a moment)
that it could only ever be us.
In the third lane of the YMCA pool at 8:47 last night,
I was treading water,
pleasantly buoyant and alone.
And though I’ll never know for sure,
it occurred to me in that moment:
I am the only one swimming in Detroit.
First comes everything.
Some of which I think,
I say,
and you hear.
Each tier a fraction of the one that came before-
a scrap from which
we grasp
at understanding.
What lies within
those silent moments,
clouded eyes.
those “neverminds?”
The in-between
of what you
share with me
I’ll never know.
If there something in your life
that hurts more than it helps,
that keeps you from yourself:
you must end it.
For years you told yourself it’s not that bad,
tolerated its intrusion,
found ways to coexist-
and so it persisted.
You felt you have control,
that you were winning the fight.
No need for a drastic overhaul,
why douse a candle flame with flood?
But time goes by and there it is,
only deeper now, more ensnared.
This stowaway has stolen years
and you have let it.
Do not tap timidly at its door
and request that it step aside.
It has shown you no such courtesy
and does not deserve your respect.
Are you afraid of becoming too cured?
Too healed? Too alive?
Or do you fear the sting of really trying
only to see you’re standing still?
It will take a running start.
Fly at it with all your might
Rip it, gouge it, tear it from your heart
Starve it of the lies its been feeding you
And don’t stop fighting.
Never stop fighting.
Even when it is just a sad memory
and you have regained your Self.
Already you have given far too much.
There will never be a better moment.
Free yourself.
Act now.
Over do it.
They say you’re not a real New Yorker until you’ve cried in public.
With thoughts awhir inside my head
Unceasingly from dawn till bed
I look at you and then, instead,
I am still.
I thought within my anxious mind,
In constant searching I would find
But though I sought I was but blind
I see you.
It seemed that I could earn my truth
Life as some mathematic proof
But until you, I was aloof
You are peace.
When I told you that I was still sick,
and that I was going to get help,
we hugged and cried and you gave your support.
And while I was in treatment,
you sometimes inquired,
responding to my positive updates.
But after I left that place,
we never talked about it again.
You assumed the best and I let you
See, this problem thrives in darkness,
I hardly confront it with myself,
and even less with others.
I know it’s not that you didn’t care,
but the fact that you never asked,
really hurts.
If you had asked me straight
I might have lied,
but at least then you could say you tried.
There’s never time to ask the question
with one right answer,
the one that that you won’t hear.
And so it continued,
with you cloaked in wishful thinking,
and me hidden in my shame.
Until, once again, I intervened
tearing open that inner door
shining light on the destruction.
Its like I’ve always known,
that even with all the support in the world
this problem is mine alone to solve.
When fate conspired to hold my mail
and I could not re-take the trail
I happened on a friendly male.
He took me to the lake.
Way past the main street thoroughfare
we walked the wall without a care
and then returned with tousled hair.
A nice place for a break.